We all face this inner question eventually: “What does it truly mean to succeed, and how can I get there?”

Could success mean having a stable job and enough money to live comfortably? Could it mean excelling in your skills or hobbies and rising to the top of the food chain? Or does it simply mean being a good friend or partner?

After reading those statements, you might be thinking, “Well, success could mean all of those things; isn’t it a subjective idea?” And yes, that is exactly the point. Ironically, defining success doesn’t mean answering a question with a succinct yes or no, but rather it is a measurement of self-assurance.

This is often a tricky concept to get behind because, as humans, it is easy to fall into the trap of measuring success based on ticking off items on a checklist or reaching a deadline. Having this expectation of a tangible reward or pondering the question of success requires you to dissect and reflect on moments that can often be the most challenging parts of your life. It forces you to indulge in comparison, to be uncomfortable, and to slowly accept the path you took that brought you to this very moment.

The early language of achievement

Experiences in early childhood often shape how we perceive certain ideas and concepts, therefore shaping how we perceive them in our adult lives. Even in early education environments, sports, or activities, we are always encouraged to “succeed”.

I remember the hallways in my primary school were lined with posters with phrases such as “Set yourself up for success!” or a student appreciation board showcasing young learners who achieved perfect scores on the recent spelling test. Though all effort is praised (especially when you are younger and are still learning how to be a student), your teachers want you to achieve high scores to show that you have successfully learnt something, with perfect scores receiving even higher praise and often a reward (or, in this case, your name on a poster).

Meanwhile, students who only got half of the answers correct or hadn’t fully grasped the material were left without encouragement or recognition, quietly reinforcing the idea that they had “failed”. This, of course, is not a good feeling.

Perfection was engineered into our brains as a success. We were then subconsciously always taught to strive for perfection with this underlying reward system. Thus, the idea that success is always something that can be measured was reinforced since I could remember how to read. I carried this mindset with me through my undergraduate studies, and it took a long time to slowly realise that success could also be a feeling – one not strictly measured by milestones or boxes checked on a list.

After achieving what I once considered the epitome of success by graduating with my bachelor’s degree, I entered a new phase of my life where structure was loosened. Without a clear finish line, the pressure to succeed is shifted inward. This self-imposed pressure often can seem more daunting than working toward a deadline. With a deadline, completion is non-negotiable. Without that physical marker, it is now up to you to decide if you will meet that goal or not.

Redefining direction in the in-between

Now that I have slowly broken through the barrier and taken baby steps into the “real” world, I find myself in the uncomfortable liminal space between milestones. The harsh reality is that this is the prime real estate for determining the next direction of your life, where only you can decide whether to go left or right.

Transitional phases of life, like a career change, moving to a new city, or finishing a degree, can leave you in a state of vulnerability. Routines you once relied on to measure your own personal progress are now stripped away. Without having your usual benchmarks to assess momentum, it is easy to lose perspective on how far you have truly come. This time is the best time for personal growth.

In moments of transition, it is natural to reassess your sense of self. Titles you once held may disappear, and your identity can become fragmented. If your title had defined your role or purpose for a significant period of time, it can be harder to make yourself comfortable in a vulnerable place.

If I am no longer a student/intern/employee, what is my role? This uncertainty can shift your attention outward, diverting your focus to others’ progress instead of appreciating your own.

The cycle of comparison

No matter how we think about what success is or isn’t, it is still hard to ignore the voice in the back of our heads telling us, “You could have done more,” “You could’ve achieved it sooner,” or “So-and-so already finished it months before me.” Was Theodore Roosevelt right? Is comparison truly the thief of joy?

When can our brains stop saying “Yes, but…” when we think about our own achievements, and we can feel grateful and proud of ourselves? This makes me wonder, is it human nature to always want more? Is it possible to become untangled in the endless cycle of comparison?

As social media and professional networking platforms make personal and professional milestones more visible than ever, it has become common to track the progress of both ourselves and others. Comparison can quietly resurface if you fixate on visible milestones others are achieving, especially when peers you once shared a similar starting point with appear to be moving along a different path, placing them a bit further in the race to achievement.

It is important to remember that these contrasts do not point to a single right path or destination. Instead, they hide the truth that “success” unfolds differently for everyone. The reality is, they might have been dealt a different set of cards, had a key connection, or were just somewhere at the right time. This reminder is not always easy to hold onto, but recognising it can begin to ease the weight of comparison.

Finding success in self-assurance

If you notice moments of self-doubt creeping in, take a moment to grab a piece of paper or your journal and gently explore which part of your journey feels challenging. Outline and review the steps it took to get you to this point, and just sit with it for a moment. Acknowledging the effort you put into a specific goal, how it felt to get there, and the challenges you overcame to reach it gives you the space to reflect and understand yourself a little bit better.

Let this serve as a reminder that everyone is experiencing life for the first time. When you need a burst of motivation or some perspective that success is completely relative, come back to this article, open your journal, and take a moment to appreciate the time and effort it took for you to grow into the person you are today.