There are many moments in parenting that are hard. Many of these moments center around ordinary daily tasks, too, such as eating, sleeping, and personal hygiene. Children often do not want to cooperate when it comes to such basic necessities as eating when hungry, which can test the patience of even the most gentle of parents. Gentle parenting, as a concept, really only flows smoothly for the child who is free to express the full realm of their emotions; meanwhile, the parent is fighting the internal turmoil of emotional regulation wreaking havoc on their nervous system and not actually feeling like a gentle parent at all, as they struggle to express a balanced tone to a rambunctious toddler.

Of all of these often-daily struggles for parents, traveling with children can often be one such task that sends shivers down your spine. From the packing to the transfers to the toilet breaks and everything in between…! There is so much to preempt when traveling with children, regardless of the mode of transport, that the journey itself can often take far more advanced planning than what is required at the destination.

As a society, we strive for equality, yet the needs of families, particularly those with young children, are not appreciated and too often go unnoticed. In fact, many attempts to highlight the inadequacies of social structures to support parents and children are often met with personal attacks, questioning: why bother having children if you cannot handle them? The nature of such throwaway internet comments is a debate for another time. In this instance, the response could be along the lines of: of course, being able to ‘handle’ one’s own children in the safety and comfort of your own home is vastly different from relying on public services for transportation.

Some things that people take for granted, such as stepping onto a train, are an entirely different struggle when navigating a buggy and a toddler who could very easily slip through the vast gap between the train and the platform. Or disembarking an airplane is far simpler solo than trying to balance hand luggage and hold the hand of a small child walking down a steep, slippery staircase in the driving rain. Living in the hope that the best of humanity will come to your aid for every transfer is quite a ridiculous mindset for a parent traveling with children.

At what point do we remove the need for a pregnant person to stand for an excessive amount of time in a passport queue following a flight because their child prevents them from speeding through the electronic passport gates? How is it possible to be allowed to drop your buggy off at the plane doors, but your need for it on the other side is not honoured, and you end up carrying or dragging your hand luggage and your child on a sweaty, back-pain-inducing expedition to the luggage carousel? And let’s not start a debate on the accessibility of toilets for families, which always adds a healthy sprinkle of excitement to your travel experience, for better or for worse.

The ages of children can really impact the potential success of your trip. Older children, who can take themselves to the bathroom, play cards, or at the very least comprehend the meaning of a delay or missed connection, can make it a manageable experience, but with younger children, it is a whole other ballgame.

Additionally, if you have support while traveling, it is going to somewhat ease the burden, but as a lone parent, the level of pressure on your physical, mental, and emotional self is incredibly taxing—made worse by issues such as the nonexistent or broken lifts at a train station, meaning you have to hover anxiously by the stairs until someone offers a hand. Or carrying baggage up a flight of stairs, only to run back down to carry your child up because you cannot do everything at once.

Being empathetic and offering a hand, or even a smile, to a parent with children who are tired, bored, and frustrated can mean a lot, especially when there are others who will shout at you across a packed, hot train because your child has woken up from a nap and is fussing. But these types of people are outshone by the ones who pick up your entire load of luggage with one scoop and carry everything up the stairs with a humble nod of understanding, or the ones who go so far out of their way to help that they end up missing their own train.

But this beauty in humanity—sharing your burdens and literally taking your weight onto their shoulders—highlights how unequipped we are as a society to facilitate equal transport accessibility. There are clearly so many others who notice and are in solidarity with the struggles of travelling with children, yet the infrastructure remains sorely lacking, and transport staff are nowhere to be found.

There are countless posts online offering tips and tricks for traveling with children, so it is clear there are a significant number of people seeking advice for managing their travel needs with children in tow. The only advice here is: embrace the gift of technology. If your children are perfectly content and at peace without a device, then more power to you, but otherwise, do what you need to do. Bring many snacks, including for yourself, and ignore anyone who is not offering you a smile.

Travelling with children, in an ideal world, is promoted as an opportunity for family bonding, widening horizons, exposure to culture, and new experiences. And of course, it can be all of those things—once the actual travel is behind you and you’ve managed to avoid a nervous breakdown in transit.

Until we live in a society where we can all travel in relative comfort and safety—for instance, not on the floor of a train while pregnant (shout-out to the train conductor who shrugged and walked on)—let us all make an effort to be the humans that smile, hold a door, give way, carry luggage, and empathize with our fellow travelers. Because no matter where in the world we travel, we can always communicate with kindness.