The hidden ways we escape ourselves

Everything you do in life is a pursuit of happiness.

(Sudhguru)

We run away from ourselves. We throw ourselves into work, entertainment, study, and scrolling and entrust our lives to external authorities to avoid responsibility and contact with our true selves. Sometimes our escape feels like a trap; we put off a decision indefinitely or blame the whole world for things we never even wanted to tackle. Escaping from ourselves has many faces, and these distractions look like masks that merely change shape. Is confronting ourselves so difficult that we go so far as to engage our minds in devising traps for our own independent thinking?

The mind’s traps

The human mind has a tendency to focus on distractions. This tendency stems from a fear of confronting one’s true self. A deep fear of turning inwards drives people to seek escape through entertainment or stimulants, examples of which include television, computers, and smartphones. Other examples of distractions include overworking or placing blind faith in authorities and gurus who will solve the problems we are running away from. In this way, it is easy to put off working on oneself, as there are always others to blame for a given situation.

One can remain stuck in substitute themes for a lifetime, as it is very convenient. One can fall into a spiral of self-sabotaging excuses, explaining one’s own fears in a way that seems credible to others. This can give rise to a victim mentality, making it all the easier to justify one’s reluctance to make a significant decision. Such ploys can also be used to explain a lack of motivation to make changes in one’s life—changing jobs, place of residence, or lifestyle/diet. Thus, substitute topics relieve one of the need to think, robbing a person of motivation and agency. As Józef Tischner wrote, “Without desire there would be no thinking, and without thinking there would be no desire.” Without thinking, therefore, all motivation disappears; that is why numbing oneself to the needs of one’s own soul is, in reality, a gradual departure from one’s own life.

The mask of intellect is also often a substitute topic. And here, once again, the words of J. Tischner come to our aid, as he points out that ‘a mask allows one to stay afloat in a certain world.' Knowledge can serve as a means of speaking not with one’s own voice, but with the voices of others. It is, therefore, a means of relying on the knowledge of others and shirking one’s own responsibility. The intellect often serves as a smokescreen and a mask for one’s own sense of self. Sometimes people flaunt knowledge that is inappropriate to the situation, pulling it out like a rabbit from a hat when it suits them.

Dousing others with it at every possible opportunity and in response to any question relieves one of self-reflection and deeper feeling. Relying solely on intellectual resources thus distances one from contact with one’s own intuition, experience, and opinion. An arsenal of knowledge also relieves one of the need for assertiveness and individuality; it is easier to parrot, focusing attention on the facts presented by authorities, without having to present one’s own thinking. The pushy imposition of intellectual facts in company can thus be a form of empty talk, a filler, a substitute topic for the space within oneself to which one has no access.

People squander words, and it is in words that they waste the most energy. The intellect is undoubtedly an excellent tool, and acquiring knowledge can bring great benefits, but one must know how to process that knowledge. Knowledge also has its place and time, and bombarding another person with it without relevant context will not necessarily enrich our worldview but will merely become dry information that holds less significance for us than someone else’s perspective.

A similar instrumental approach to intellect can be found in the way we approach the topic of recovery at a particular stage of an illness. It happens that when people receive a diagnosis, they simply follow the doctor’s instructions (often exclusively pharmacological), ignoring the need to change their lifestyle or diet, without reducing stress or increasing physical activity. Entrusting one’s health to doctors and medicines is certainly justified, but acting without self-reflection on one’s own life reduces the body to being treated as a product that is supposed to fulfill its functions like an instrument. In this way, one disengages from personal responsibility for one’s own health and relieves oneself of the work of self-care, placing it solely on external authorities.

Escapes from life

Food can also serve as a distraction. We often eat even when we aren’t particularly hungry. We aren’t always even aware of what we’re eating. By the time we really taste the food, we’re already halfway through the meal, because we’re eating in a hurry. So we eat to relieve ourselves; it is like changing the channel on the TV, where the next channel is waiting in a moment, and we no longer remember what was on the previous one.

Another substitute in our lives can be work or education. Devoting one’s entire life to work or study is a sacrifice of one’s potential to other people, but without any feedback. If we get stuck at the level of total devotion to these areas, devoting most of our time to them, it means we do not want to let private time into our lives and, consequently, feelings. Of course, if, for example, education is merely a means to an end—a profession, a job, etc.—then this is a natural balance. The point here is something more: paying attention to how I spend my private time. Do I think about myself and develop my passions, or do I merely serve others? Or perhaps my aspirations are based solely on acquiring money, position, or status?

Taking a look at the distractions in our lives requires free time. When working a 40-hour week, it is hard to notice what is a distraction and what is not. Especially as a tired brain is more prone to distractions, allowing itself moments of pleasure, for example, while scrolling through social media. It’s worth asking yourself the following questions:

What have I done for myself today?
Has today been a day of renewal for me?
What meaningful experiences have I had today?
Do I have time to pursue my interests?
How am I feeling today?

We often don’t ask ourselves such questions, which leads us to become extremely tired because we fail to keep up with the warning signs. So, scanning our own moods and feelings helps us to identify those aspects of our lives that are responsible for our comfort—or lack thereof. You cannot feel a lack of comfort, nor any satisfaction, if you are driven by a rush. In this rush, life is neither clear nor good; it is bland. And in this limbo, you can get stuck for years, living from sunrise to sunset without reflecting on what you are missing out on.

When was the last time I went for a walk (not just to get bread or milk)?
How often do I reflect on my own pace of life?
When was the last time I spent an afternoon doing nothing planned?
What would I like to do but don’t have enough time for?

Over time, as these questions accumulate, we may find ourselves beginning to notice the layers that are holding us back. For example, you might start to feel irritated that you don’t have enough time to read books. And that is precisely the first step towards consciously managing your life, in which you have the gift of deciding on its quality. You could go and read a book in the park, even if only for 10 minutes, or you could look for a different job that isn’t so physically demanding, so that you’ll have the energy to read books in the evening.

Healthy self-care

Choosing to fulfill one’s duties towards oneself, rather than just for the world, is a long-term endeavor. It often requires practice. If a person has been running for most of their life, even if they suddenly stop, they won’t be able to maintain that pace and will gradually start running again. In my own life, I had to learn to rest and reset my priorities. I was able to let go of tasks which, although they might have brought in money, could have cut into the time I spent with myself and the space for my own interests and passions. I realized that there is abundance in this too.

People generally equate the concept of abundance solely with the financial sphere. However, abundance is also free time; it is contact with nature; it is the very absence of haste. These, too, are resources. Money gained at the expense of oneself is not.

Sometimes, lifting the veil of distractions involves cutting ourselves off from certain people or limiting contact. And that is fine too, if the relationship fills our time in a meaningless way.

Discovering where we fall into substitute topics and run away from contact with ourselves can help us regain balance and set priorities in line with our personalities. If we don’t do this, the world will do it for us. Chance and the will of other people will decide how to manage your time so as to hand out your resources bit by bit. Don’t let that happen. You don’t have to put up with being handed out. Don’t let your attention and your presence be replaced by matters that don’t deserve your attention take the place of your focus and your presence.