The quiet epidemic of loneliness

Searching for a partner at all costs or getting stuck in the comfort zone of being single and isolating yourself permanently. Which is more dangerous in today's world? Being lonely exposes you to many diseases, not only physical but also mental, and above all, it distances you from human evolutionary conditioning—we are not meant to be alone.

The beginnings of loneliness

No one warns you about loneliness. It appears suddenly and stays for a long time. It starts like an addiction, imperceptibly and slowly, until it becomes your everyday life, and you stop fighting. Loneliness does not happen suddenly. It has developed over the years, just like diseases, which are often the result of poor nutrition or an unhealthy lifestyle. In the case of loneliness, it is different. Here, we neglect our need for relationships with other people.

Loneliness begins innocently. It is preceded by a series of habits that stay with a person for a long time. Focusing on work, choosing a lonely weekend with your favorite film, and avoiding unexpected outings in everyday life. This loss of spontaneity and creativity in finding ways to spend your free time leads to giving up on venturing into the unknown. Gradually, we avoid unplanned situations, and what we plan is based solely on our own convenience. In this way, people forget what it means to step outside their comfort zone and stop seeking new relationships. Often, they neglect existing friendships, especially if their friends live in other cities or are busy, which becomes an easy excuse to stay at home and not take any initiative.

The need for rest

Loneliness is no longer just a problem for older people. It has become common among young people, too. This is not, as one might think, because they want to focus on their careers or promotion, but rather because of the simple reality of life, where the need for rest is prioritized after work. The modern labor market imposes a certain pace of work and constantly monitors employee performance, which ultimately leads to a vicious circle in which young people are unable to keep up with regeneration. The need for rest then becomes more important than leaving the house and maintaining social relationships.

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, humans place physiological needs first and safety second. Both of these levels refer to the value of health and resources in order to fully enjoy the strength that will be provided to a person with living conditions. It is therefore not surprising that young people put their own rest first, as the need for belonging is on the next level of the pyramid, but it is preceded by the aforementioned aspects of health.

So, is it difficult to move up to the next level of the pyramid to focus on self-fulfillment, development, and acquiring new friends and relationships? It requires considerable motivation and effort to reconcile higher-order needs with lower-order needs, i.e., the basic and most important ones. Every additional initiative undertaken by a person requires a positive reserve of energy, which allows them to combine different roles and needs in life. Not everyone is able to navigate so many areas of life with such a level of flexibility and openness.

There is also work to be done on beliefs. It is easier to stay with what is familiar because the brain is biologically designed to discourage us from trying new things. Therefore, the more often we reject spontaneous proposals, the harder it is for us to take the initiative later on.

Lack of support

No one warns against loneliness. Few write about the warning signs of impending social isolation, especially among young people. No one sees any problems with a 30-40-year-old who is addicted to passive relaxation and spends every weekend at home. Perhaps this is because the result here will not be any illness, but a gradual breakdown of social ties, singlehood, depression, and a lack of energy for life. It is easy to attribute these symptoms to the labels we put on contemporary generations, referring to the pursuit of a career or workaholism. In reality, many young people simply do not have the strength to live a life in which they can enjoy their youth because they cannot physically keep up with the pace imposed on them from outside.

There is a lack of social campaigns and research that could monitor the scale of loneliness among young people. Most cases are overlooked and marginalized as controlled isolation resulting from personal choice, according to public opinion. The real causes of this phenomenon among young people are rarely investigated.

Another issue is the social glorification of the cult of work. Conscientious dedication to work is associated with responsibility and evokes the image of a responsible person. No one attributes characteristics of surrender to it. The same is true of the multigenerational approach to starting a family. Most often, the elders of the family wonder why young people do not start families, as it is commonly believed that this is the normal course of events and that one does not need to make a special effort to find a life partner. However, the contemporary model of life shows that the way people meet has changed beyond recognition. There are no more dances, social evenings, or marriage agencies, and potential partners from the Internet are a real lottery of luck. Getting out of loneliness requires effort and work to change the situation. You also need to show some initiative and creativity to get out of the house, not just to go to the cinema, but to go to places where open contact is possible, such as workshops, trips, themed parties, events, etc.

Loneliness as an illness

Loneliness is a form of departure from human nature. Living alone, in isolation, away from social networks and intimacy, promotes depression, anxiety, and burnout. Unfortunately, it is easy to fall into the illusion of comfort, deciding to spend evenings alone due to a lack of courage and creativity to reach out to people. This makes it even more difficult to notice the symptoms of deteriorating mental health and the habit of staying at home.

Loneliness is largely a matter of daily choices. A life in which we choose ourselves alone, because we no longer see other options. It is worth remembering then—have we always lived this way, or did we at some point shy away from the experience of getting to know other people? Perhaps something caused us to stop entering new situations?

Loneliness does not happen on demand but is often the result of complex life stories, to which the economic situation contributes. It is time to detach the meaning of age from the scale of this phenomenon, which affects so many young people. We do not choose loneliness; it often chooses us. Uninvited, as a side effect of a life that resembles a struggle for survival.