Garrick Hennessy is a failure.

He was born with the privilege of being a white male in Apartheid South Africa, in a time when that was enough to automatically be shown to the start of the line, three steps ahead of everyone else. He squandered all of his privilege and social advantages. He took all of the gifts of ability and talent and intelligence and squandered and wasted them all. Rather than working hard and dedicating himself to achieving anything or being successful by any metric at all, Garrick Hennessy sat on all of those advantages. He was more concerned with impressing people that didn't care by trying to be cool. He was more concerned with being with women that had no interest in his growth and improvement as a human being than trying to find and grow supportive relationships that were mutually beneficial.

Substance abuse and bad choices became the driving forces in his life from the time he was 14. The cliched story of a young man falling in with the wrong crowd. Yet, he is the one to take the blame for his actions, for his choices, he was no passive victim in his life's failure. He failed academically, from school through to university. He was too interested in partying and socialising than staying home and putting in the work. He failed professionally in terms of poor choices of career, always choosing the easiest route rather than the best route for a viable future. He even failed personally, endless relationships failed, broken and ruined. And if asked, he would not be able to answer why. But truthfully, apart from the laziness at the root of much of this failure, it was the arrogance and the ego that was equally the reason.

Garrick Hennessy thought he was special. He thought by merely showing up, he would succeed. He never thought that labour and effort was necessary. He thought his own magnificent brilliance was enough. Why carry the weight?

But then life happened. Very quickly he was disabused of this notion. Very quickly he learned that he was not special. And life passed him by, sat on a couch, playing video games, watching the same TV shows on repeat, listening to the same music that took him back to better times, an active victim of his own bad choices and addiction.

His desire to be a musician passed him by.

His desire to be a published writer passed him by.

His desire to do anything, achieve anything, accomplish anything, all of it passed him by.

He became convinced that he had reached the end of his story, and moved to a small village in the middle of nowhere in Spain, and he readied himself to drink and smoke himself into a meaningless oblivion.

But then life happened, he got divorced. Something sparked in him. He left the village and moved to Seville. All of a sudden, life was there. It was still there. It had not disappeared. All of a sudden, the bitterness of failure started to wash away. For the first time in a long time, Garrick Hennessy realised that life was worth living, it was worth fighting for, and in order to live, in order to fight, you have to carry the weight.

And then his son was born.

Finally Garrick Hennessy had a purpose. He had a reason and a motivation. Despite feeling as if it was all too late, Garrick Hennessy started to take life seriously. Finally now, all the failure in his life had become an opportunity to learn, to grow and to improve. And most of all, an opportunity to work. Addiction was confronted and put aside. Health, both mental and physical became a priority.

Garrick Hennessy is now no longer a passive victim of his own bad decisions, he is choosing to become the master of his life in his desire to provide his son a life worth living, to provide his son with a father worth having. He is now working, he is carrying that weight.

Garrick Hennessy is a failure, but he now knows that failure is the manure used to fertilise success.