Many men today carry the belief that even looking at a woman in public puts them at risk of being labeled as creepy.

It seems like a natural response to the zeitgeist amongst women, to whom even a simple interaction—a hello, a look, an “excuse me?”—seems to be something to be suspicious of.

We are seeing what feels like a subtle retreat from one another, and this is not just regarding dating or physical attraction. It seems to me that as a society, we are beginning to turn away from the possibility of genuine human connection.

Masculinity, in particular, has become a loaded word. Not because masculinity itself is harmful, but because the many dysfunctional expressions of it have dominated the narrative. Somewhere along the way, we stopped differentiating between the nature of masculinity and the behavior of certain men.

Now, when someone exhibits qualities like confidence, direction, or assertiveness, they risk being seen not as grounded or capable, but as an Andrew Tate. The possibility of a man being confident AND emotional seems to be unimaginable for both men and women.

It doesn’t help that social media has become a stage where both men and women contribute to the narratives that distance us: A man scrolling down an Instagram feed would see women filming gym content in tiny, flashy outfits, capturing (and shaming) men who so much as glance in their direction. He internalizes the message: “Don’t look at me. You are unwanted. You’re a creep.”

Meanwhile, those same men are absorbing content from loud personalities in the manosphere, men like Myron Gaines or Andrew Tate, who reduce human relating to a game of dominance and status and treat women as an enemy to conquer. They’re told that women only want “high-value men,” and to become that, they must suppress vulnerability, show dominance, and control every interaction.

In my experience coaching men, those who are caught in the “high-value man” narrative are most of the time angry, unhappy, resentful, or highly materialistic. They can never hold a long-lasting relationship, let alone be happy in the short ones they produce.

But divisive narratives like that are not just a small problem. They are shaping a generation of men who genuinely don’t know what healthy masculinity is supposed to look like. They’re essentially, to no fault of their own, trying to grope in the darkness, wondering how to properly act: be strong, but not aggressive; be emotionally open, but not too soft; be confident, but not cocky; be present, but not clingy.

Most of them find themselves embodying a stereotype rather than an actual personality and end up behaving in ways that come off as a hybrid of Johnny Bravo and Steve Urkel. Some opt out of the dating world altogether.

What many of them have never been taught is that real masculinity isn’t about eroding softness but about having the strength to hold it without shame. It’s the capacity to express desire with calm authenticity, to show emotion without being consumed by it.

Masculinity, at its core, is the ability to take action with integrity. And to be able to showcase it, one needs to not abolish feminine energy but integrate it. A man who carries a sturdy, masculine frame and embraces the fluid feminine chaos becomes deeply attractive.

But men don’t know this, because the voices that speak about it are not as loud as the viral manosphere content is. And as a result, a lot of the “good men” that so many women seek simply check out. They stop approaching. They stop initiating. Not just because they fear rejection, but because they don’t want to be rejected, ghosted, or misunderstood as creeps, when in fact, all they are are well-intentioned, although somewhat socially awkward, guys. So instead of risking that pain, they retreat—into gaming, into AI girlfriends, into porn, into the kind of solitude that feels like freedom but secretly breeds loneliness and resentment.

On the other side, women are growing more cautious and frustrated—not just of individuals, but of men as a whole. Their experiences, compounded by social media, horrible Tinder dates gone wrong, emotionally unavailable men, or literal creeps (which clearly exist), have taught them to assume the worst first and sort it out later.

Many women, too, have closed the door entirely on men and women, switched to dating women, or abstained from dating. So early as their 20s.

And so men believe they will be misread and unappreciated. Women assume they’ll be let down or mistreated. And the result is a growing disinterest in the whole process. If this continues, the outcome isn’t just fewer relationships… It’s the erosion of intimacy itself.

Still, I don’t think we’ve lost our way entirely.

Despite everything, there is something in both men and women that still knows how to recognize the real thing when they stumble upon it. When a man shows up rooted in his integrated masculine energy, something in a woman’s reaction shifts. When his words are clear, his aura calm, and he isn’t focused on performing or peacocking, the response he gets from women is different. If not interest, then at least curiosity.

When women, many of whom have had to build hard edges just to feel safe, feel this type of energy, they often respond with genuine softening up and eventually openness. All the suspicion they spent years accumulating dissipates really, really fast.

I’ve seen it in my own life. I’ve watched women lean into conversations they would usually walk away from—not because of what I said, but because of how I said it. I noticed that when I was no longer trying to be someone, people—not only women—had a totally different reaction to me.

And I’ve watched my fiancée and her friends talk about the rare moments they meet men who carry that same energy—men who are neither apologizing for their masculinity nor inflating it. Just holding the frequency of it. Her single friends literally yearn for this type of guy to show up in their lives.

The cultural climate isn’t easy. The rules are unclear. But that doesn’t mean the connection is out of reach. It just means it requires more effort from us—more awareness, more integrity, and more patience.

To the men reading this: the answer isn’t to disappear and avoid rejection; it’s to show up more fully and embrace it. It’s looking into the center of the mandala and seeing who you truly are. To show up without performance, knowing that you’re not there to impress anyone. In fact, don’t aim to impress; aim to be. Women don’t want a caricature of strength; they don’t want a “high-value man.” They want the man who believes in his own ethos, a man who has the kind of strength that makes them feel safe enough to be around.

And to the women: not every man is trying to harm, impress, or manipulate you. Some are just trying to figure stuff out, and they are deeply lost—just like you are. Maybe behind the awkward, clumsy, and clunky pickup line he just threw at you, there is a genuinely kind soul who wants the same deep connection you want but has no idea how to ask for it.

It’s smart to put up walls to defend your home from invaders; just make sure you allow someone in occasionally, because I know for a fact there are really good ones out there.
And if you get hurt, know that it’s part of the game. Learn from it and course-correct. But don’t get cynical, and don’t give up.

A cynical man would say we’ve grown apart. I don’t believe we have. Not really. We’ve just become very skeptical. The connection is still there, under the surface. And every time someone gives up the showmanship, breaks the “social norms,” looks someone else dead in the eye, and acts in genuine honesty—we draw another inch closer to each other.

Let’s not lose sight of that.