Growing up in a Somali community, I often heard women being advised to “be patient” when facing abuse from their husbands. The advice was always the same — stay quiet, tolerate it, and hold the family together, no matter what. Older women would explain that this is how it has always been, and questioning it would only bring shame.

As our society slowly changes, I’ve been asking myself: why has this been accepted for so long, and how can we finally end it? To begin answering this question, we first need to understand what domestic violence really is. According to the World Health Organization (2012), domestic violence means “any behavior within an intimate relationship that causes physical, psychological, or sexual harm.” In academic circles, it’s often called Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). But beyond the definitions, it takes many painful forms.

There’s physical abuse like hitting and choking. Then sexual coercion, where a partner forces a woman into unwanted sexual acts. Emotional abuse comes through constant insults, threats, and isolation from loved ones. Some men use controlling behavior, monitoring where their wives go or cutting off their contact with family and friends. And lastly, there’s verbal, social, and cultural abuse, using harmful words and outdated traditions to justify mistreatment (Arguello et al., 2021).

Sadly, these different abuses often happen together, deeply harming a woman’s body, mind, and emotional well-being.

How bad is the situation in Somalia?

A recent study called “Magnitude and Determinants of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in Somalia” (2025) painted a picture. It revealed that a large number of Somali women are suffering violence at the hands of their partners — facing physical harm and emotional mistreatment. The study also pointed out some reasons why certain women are at greater risk:

  • Younger women and those at particular life stages often face higher danger.

  • Women in rural areas or certain regions are more vulnerable than those in cities.

  • Education matters — both for women and men. Less educated partners are more likely to be in violent relationships.

  • Economic dependence is a major factor. Women without jobs or who rely on their husbands financially have limited choices.

  • Larger family sizes and having more children also increases the risk, often because of stress and financial strain.

The researchers recommend creating job opportunities for women, offering education on gender equality, improving laws, and designing programs for areas with high risks (Magnitude and Determinants of IPV Against Women in Somalia, 2025). A similar heartbreaking reality appears in “The Silent War: Domestic Violence Against Women in Hargeisa, Somaliland” (2023).

In Hargeisa, many women endure abuse quietly, afraid of shame and family pressure. The article explains how it’s still common in some households to believe that a man has the right to punish his wife if she fails to meet certain duties. Men are often seen as the “owners” of their wives, and women are raised being told never to question it. Leaving abusive marriages is rarely an option. Many women stay because they lack financial independence or because their families tell them to endure it for the sake of the household.

Even the legal system usually favors men or encourages private family negotiations, which often ignore women’s safety and rights. Another issue is that men themselves are pressured to act tough, with kindness or gentleness seen as signs of weakness. Despite this, Somali women have always played a vital role in keeping peace within their homes and communities — even if it means sacrificing their own happiness. The article calls for better laws, public awareness campaigns, and open community conversations to challenge harmful beliefs and support survivors (The Silent War: Domestic Violence Against Women in Hargeisa, Somaliland, 2023).

In conclusion, domestic violence is not just a personal issue between a husband and wife — it’s a deeply rooted social problem shaped by harmful beliefs, economic struggles, and weak laws. To stop it, we must speak openly, educate communities, and demand stronger protections for women.

How do we bring it to the table?

What both articles make clear is that domestic violence in Somali society is not just a family issue — it’s a cultural, economic, and legal problem too. It continues because of harmful beliefs, financial dependence, and weak protective systems.

The answer lies in changing both attitudes and structures.

We need: open, honest conversations in homes, mosques, and schools. Laws that protect women’s rights in marriage, divorce, and custody. Jobs and education opportunities for women, giving them independence. Men and women alike to challenge the idea that suffering in silence is noble.

Domestic violence is a painful reality that too many women in Somali communities have silently endured for generations. It is a struggle often hidden behind closed doors and dismissed by cultural beliefs that prioritize family reputation over personal safety. But as societies grow and evolve, so too must our attitudes and values.

It’s time for Somali communities — both at home and in the diaspora — to rethink the way we see and treat women. No woman should suffer in silence, and no culture should excuse harm against its own people. Change must come not only through laws and policies but through shifting the way people think, speak, and act within their homes and communities.

Women deserve to be protected, respected, and honored in every society — including ours. They are the heart of families and the backbone of communities. It’s time we give them the safety, dignity, and equality they have always deserved.

Real progress begins when we listen, learn, and commit to building a future free from violence and built on compassion, fairness, and mutual respect. Our mothers and grandmothers may have endured without question, but we don’t have to. Now is the time to demand change.

Notes

World Health Organization (2012). Understanding and addressing violence against women: Intimate partner violence. Arguello, E., Fasol, M., Cueva, C. M., & Costales Z. (2021). Intimate Partner Violence: A Literature Review. The Open Psychology Journal, 14, 11–16.
Magnitude and Determinants of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in Somalia (2025).
The Silent War: Domestic Violence Against Women in Hargeisa, Somaliland (2023).