Have you ever felt like the world was caving in and sucking you whole into some unknown and dark place, leaving no traces of who you are behind? This is the closest I can get to describing what it feels like to be in your early 20s—no job, no family, no kids, no apartment, no car, no prospects, and no plan for life. Surely, it is not as dramatic as being swallowed whole by the universe, but it certainly feels like the world and all of its components have allied against you and only you. Is there even anyone else who feels this way? I doubt it. Yet, almost every other 20-something does, whether they admit it or not.

What is the quarter-life crisis?

What exactly is this feeling? This disembodied, invisible, imperceptible enemy is not a punishment sent from above and most certainly not your companion for the rest of your life. This being usually goes under the name “quarter-life crisis” or “the crisis of your early 20s,” and it is more common than you might think. When we hit our 20s, we are stuck in a strange in-between stage—no longer teenagers, but not fully adults either. It feels like falling and grasping at the edges of the world you once were a part of but cannot seem to find a place in now. We’ve finished school; many of us already have degrees and even jobs, but this wretched being somehow found and encaged us in its long, crooked arms, where there doesn’t seem to be an escape. The biggest sign it got you too? You question everything.

The pressure of expectations

It doesn’t matter if you have a degree—you are probably questioning whether it is the “right” degree. If you have a job, you are wondering whether it is the “right” job and whether it would make you happy. Even if you’re happy with your career, you might be thinking about whether there is something else out there that feels more “right.” This endless cycle feels exhausting, but here is the truth: it is normal, and you are not crazy. All our lives we had been told that our 20s are the best years of our lives, that we should live them to the fullest. Some of us who feel miserable right now might panic: “Oh wow, if these are the best years of my life, then what does the future hold? Could it get worse?”

We feel like being in our 20s means we have it all: the looks, the youth, the carefreeness, the no-responsibility, and the time to enjoy life and be free. But in reality, it is nearly impossible to enjoy anything when you are constantly worried about setting the foundation for your future life and making the “right” choices. Because this is what we’re told: to make “right” choices. Where had this brought us? Nowhere so far.

Forget “right” and “wrong"

Let me break it down for you: there is no such thing as “right” or “wrong” when it comes to your life. Every person’s life is unique, and it cannot be boxed into either of the 5-lettered words. Most of the time, our lives don’t work because we are not living them; we are living the lives of our parents, friends, or some internet celebrity. We spend so much time polishing our lives to make them look “right,” but does it feel “right”? Probably not, or you’d already be the happiest person in the world.

Reconnecting with yourself

So, how do we find our way? The key is rediscovering who we are. Actually, the reason why we question everything at this stage is not because we have done something wrong; it’s because we hardly know ourselves. Think back to your childhood. As a kid, you knew what you wanted, whether it was a specific toy in a particular color, a certain candy flavor, or the exact cartoon you wanted to watch. It is very hard to get a child to do something they don’t want to do—everyone knows that. But why now are you so easily swayed by what others are doing? Whenever we see someone pursuing an engineering career, we question whether we should do it too, and whenever someone is quitting their job and moving across the continent, we think, “What if I do the same?” Why? Because a lot has changed since you were a child.

There was this huge stage where it didn’t matter what you wanted and what you liked. Whether it was our parents sending us to a different school than we wanted or signing us up for activities we didn’t like, we slowly lost touch with our desires. Years and years later, here you are, at 20-something years old, sitting in despair and not knowing what you want in life. Let me brighten you up: the quarter-life crisis has arrived not to belittle you and make you miserable, but to bring you closer to yourself. Here are some tips that might ease this process for you.

Self-reflection

Here’s where self-reflection comes in. I know it sounds cliché, but it works. Sit down, open a notebook (if you want), and think about the things you once liked. Think back to your childhood: maybe you liked dancing, singing, drawing, reading, or solving math problems. It might sound silly, but these moments reflect the real you. Don’t overthink and resist it—just grab a pen and list everything down. Even if you have just one thing, write it down. If you’re struggling, ask a sibling or parent. They might recall things you have long forgotten about yourself.

Secret desires

Is there something you’ve always dreamt of but never allowed yourself to pursue? Maybe you imagined yourself starring in a film, designing incredible buildings, or being on the cover of a magazine. These dreams might feel out of reach, but don’t dismiss them. These desires reveal what excites you and what you truly care about.

Turning passions into professions

Now that you have a list of things you once loved or secretly desired, try to connect them to real-life professions. If you enjoyed drawing and painting, consider architecture, art, or fashion design. If you like cooking, maybe you can take culinary classes or start a food blog on social media. If you loved reading and writing, maybe you can look into journalism, copywriting, becoming an author, or organizing content for a company’s webpage. The key is to recognize that these passions don’t have to remain hobbies—they can become your future.

Balancing dreams with reality

Let’s be real: in today’s world, we don’t always think about our passions because we’re too focused on survival—on earning money. Unfortunately, you can’t just quit your job and become a ballerina overnight or become an actor because you felt like it this morning. But that doesn’t mean your dreams and desires are unimportant—the real world just doesn’t usually leave space for such things. However, we can make it work. If you actually have an opportunity to start chasing your passion right now, do it and don’t look back. But if you are scared and unsure if your dream career will pay off, here is a tip for you: don’t just quit your current job. Instead, focus on how you can switch to a more desired occupation slowly.

For example, you are an accountant with a stable income, but you’ve always wanted to write books. You can still continue working as an accountant while finding a little time for writing on the side until your writing starts paying you. The most important thing here is to try. What if it actually works out? You never know.

Try and keep trying

If you already have a degree, try applying it even if it doesn’t feel like “the one.” Even if you no longer feel like this degree is for you, just try it. There is no such thing as a useless degree, and nowadays many skills can be learned through short courses. The key is to try something, even if it’s not perfect. You can choose to work as a teacher now because this is what you got your degree for. But later, you can switch to being a personal trainer or open your own tutoring school.

The opportunities are endless, and the good thing is you don’t have to decide your entire future right now. Life is always changing, and so are you. You can always adjust your direction as your interests and destinations evolve. You don’t have to know it all at the moment. You just need to start doing something. And most certainly, sooner or later, life will take you to unexpected places, and you might discover what truly sparks you. But you won’t find out if you don’t start now. So, go and take action.

Final thoughts

Remember: maybe it’s not that you don’t know what you want—it’s that you want too many things, and it’s disconcerting. But let me calm you down: what you’re going through right now is not something that no one has gone through before. Everyone goes through this little period of darkness and confusion, and they make it out. So will you. Breathe in, breathe out, and keep going.