The mental battles and struggles of reinventing myself

This article is dedicated to everyone going through a hard time—and if you’re reading this and aren’t struggling, well, aren’t you lucky? For the rest of us facing challenges, remember: we can do hard things.

In 1996, Nintendo released Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue for the Game Boy. At the start of the game, players are given a simple but crucial choice: their first Pokémon. This key decision shapes the subsequent journey – determining whether the path ahead will be smooth, challenging, or an uphill battle from the start.

In both versions, you get to choose between three Pokémon: Squirtle, Bulbasaur, and Charmander. While the internet is filled with deeply philosophical analyses on what your choice says about you as a person, I’ll keep it simple—in the game, picking Squirtle makes the early stages of the game easy, picking Bulbasaur offers a balanced challenge, and choosing Charmander? Well, choosing Charmander means suffering.

I often think about this childhood choice when facing major life decisions as an adult. In many ways, life presents us with similar options—we can take the easy route, the manageable but challenging route, or the one that makes you question your life choices at every turn—the road less traveled, some would say.

My radical reinvention

In November 2022, I faced my second mass layoff in four years – some luck, huh? After taking time to reflect (which, in layoff terms, means an existential crisis in sweatpants), I realized I needed more than just a career change. I needed a reinvention.

At first, I thought a fresh start in another state would be enough. But the more I reflected, the more I realized that wouldn’t accomplish the change I needed. Sure the job market might improve, but the creeping sense of unease – the growing feeling that safety was an illusion – would still be there.

Living in America was feeling more and more like a gamble. The more I looked around, the more I saw the inescapable reality: mass shootings in the U.S. were no longer shocking headlines. They were routine. An accepted part of life. At the time of writing this article, there have been 48 mass shootings in the US in 2025 ¹. The previous year saw more mass shootings than days in the calendar year ².

I won’t pretend this was the only reason I left. But when raising a family, the thought of this being normal became impossible to ignore. At what point do you stop hoping things will get better and start creating a new path for yourself?

So, free from a job and a career that no longer fulfilled me, my partner and I agreed: Spain was the next right thing ³. With fifteen years of professional experience and fluency in both English and Spanish, I was certain this move was akin to choosing Bulbasaur – a challenge, sure, but ultimately a manageable one.

Little did I know, I had picked Charmander.

The reality of reinvention

I’ve been in Spain for 18 months now. What’s shocked me the most? How my experience has worked against me in the job hunt.

I once got called in for an interview, only for the recruiter to ask, “What are you doing here? This role is too junior for you.” That moment stung – not because I thought the role was beneath me, but because I was willing to do whatever it took to get my foot in the door, and even that wasn’t enough.

It’s been over two years since I last worked, and that has really messed with me. In the U.S., so much of your identity is tied to your job. As Dr. Becky ⁴ says, “Two things can be true at the same time.” On one hand, I’m incredibly grateful for the time I’ve had with my partner and kids. Stepping away from the grind of corporate America has helped me breathe again. On the other hand, I miss working. I miss the sense of purpose, the challenge, the feeling of contributing something meaningful beyond the domestic.

And the rejection emails? They come like morning coffee – bitter, routine, and guaranteed to jolt me into action. Some days, I feel like Christopher Columbus sailing across the Atlantic—somewhat lost, convinced I know where I’m going, but unable to see the promised land.

I don’t doubt that I made the right move, choosing Charmander. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder, What’s next?

At the time of writing this article, I don’t have a job that will allow me to stay in Spain long-term. My visa has an expiration date, an invisible clock ticking down. Some days, the uncertainty is suffocating.

But then, I remind myself: Everything works out in the end. So, if it’s not working out, it’s not the end.

How I keep going

Dealing with uncertainty is difficult. It’s a challenge not to numb myself with food or cerveza or vino—which is ridiculously affordable in Spain when compared to the U.S., making it all the more tempting.

I’ve been seeing a therapist. Talking to a professional helps.

I listen to affirmations. I reach out to people. I network.

I create a routine—just as I would if I were working—to keep myself grounded.

And every time I learn of another mass shooting in the U.S., I remind myself: this is why we are here; this is why we made the change.

A message to anyone struggling

If you’re struggling, know your why.

Reflect on your actions and make sure they align with your goals. Treat yourself like the CEO of your own company and ask yourself, “Are the steps I’m currently taking leading me in the direction of my goal?

Seek advice. As humans, all we have is each other. Your brothers and sisters are here to help.

Be kind to yourself. Show yourself grace. Don’t tear yourself down when you fall off the horse—dust yourself off and get back up.

I get words of encouragement from other professionals, and that gives me hope. They see my value when I can’t. And if they see it, maybe it’s time I start believing it too.

I don’t have all the answers yet. Some days, I feel stuck in the grind, leveling up with no evolution in sight. But that’s the thing about reinvention—it’s slow, often painful, but necessary. And one day, without even realizing it, Charmander evolves into Charizard.