I continue to post valuable content in my Facebook group, "Dare to Begin Life Coaching." I work diligently to share videos, articles, podcasts, posts, and initiate discussions within the group, all without any cost to its members. However, one day, I unknowingly accepted a fake profile, and as a result, a certain individual retaliated. They accused me of prioritizing the numbers in the group over the well-being of the community itself.
The incident I mentioned earlier wounded my ego and led me down a path of feeling victimized. It became evident that, despite giving my best, there are times when I fall short. Throughout my 53 years on this planet, I have learned that mistreatment is unfortunately commonplace. Our culture tends to value those who prioritize their own agendas, which often means satisfying their own egos. We all experience some form of emotional injury repeatedly as victims.
Essentially, an injury often stems from our expectations not aligning with reality, and in comparison, mine may be considered trivial. For others, their injuries may be deeper, such as experiencing a partner's betrayal or being denied a well-deserved promotion. This leads us to question the definition of a victim and how we can break free from that role.
You know you are in a state of victimhood when:
You feel a surge of negativity in your body and believe that you have been specifically singled out for some form of punishment. You may find yourself thinking, "Why does this always happen to me?"
You repeatedly replay the injury in your mind, which is known as "re-injury." Your imagination creates vivid experiences, and these injuries become reinforced to the point where they shape your identity. It's important to note that these injuries can also be traced back to childhood.
Regrettably, it is inevitable to occasionally fall into a state of victimhood in one's life. However, in the book "Coming Alive: 4 Ways to Defeat Your Inner Enemy, Ignite Creative Expression, and Unleash Your Soul's Potential" by Barry Michels and Phil Stutz, they provide a practical tool called "The Tower" to help individuals overcome this state.
To engage in the exercise, you need to select a specific instance in which you felt wounded, and it is important for the pain to still be present. Once you can recreate the hurt within yourself, you are prepared to proceed with the exercise. It is crucial to fully immerse yourself in the feelings associated with the experience, regardless of the age you envision.
The exercise that follows is called "The Tower" and consists of three steps:
Death: begin by bringing up all the hurt and fully identifying with it. Exaggerate the pain and allow yourself to feel as if your heart is breaking. It should make you feel so deeply hurt that it seems as though you have died. At this moment, you lie motionless on the ground.
Illumination: then, an authoritative voice speaks to you, saying, "Only the dead survive." Upon hearing these words, your heart fills with light, illuminating your surroundings. You visualize yourself lying at the bottom of a hollow tower, which has an opening at the top. The light from your heart transcends and spreads throughout your body.
Transcendence: next, the bright light effortlessly lifts you without any conscious effort to the top of the tower. You continue to rise into an impeccably blue sky. As you ascend, your body is cleansed of all pain, and you feel a complete sense of renewal and rejuvenation.
Consequently, a friend of mine read the aforementioned exercise to me when I was feeling injured by the incident in the group. I experienced a rapid improvement in my emotional state and felt alive again. Moreover, I was able to empathize with the other member who had injured me. I came to understand that I had unknowingly accepted a fake profile that had hacked her, and I felt regret for my actions.
From my experience playing the victim role, I have come to realize that there are two paths one can take. The first path leads to feeling miserable and sorry for oneself, while the second path offers the opportunity to choose an expansive state of love.
Extensive love for others can manifest in various ways. For instance, in films, we often witness superheroes like The Flash accepting their fate and willingly sacrificing themselves to save others. They may appear to die but are eventually resurrected, becoming even more powerful and superior.
Similarly, we can observe the expansion of love through religious narratives, such as the story of Jesus on the night of Gethsemane. He expresses his desire to be spared, saying, "Father, please take this cup from me." However, he ultimately accepts his fate with the words, "Not my will, but thine be done." Despite later dying, he is resurrected and experiences a greater expansion of love than before.
In order to expand, we cannot avoid our fate or change the past. Our purpose is to crack open the hard shells that surround us and discover the gift inside. It is through the breaking of our hearts that we grow and reach our full potential.
Now, not only do I strive to be conscious of my feelings, but I also empathize with them. I no longer become consumed by my injuries because I understand that they are inevitable. I choose to let go of the pain, recognizing its significant role in my personal evolution.
Therefore, the next time you recall a situation where you were deeply hurt and the pain lingered for a prolonged period, ask yourself whether you want to remain in torment or embrace the light where expansive love resides.