I wanted to write this letter to you because I see you tired, and I don’t know what to do to help you.

It has been 2 years now that my heart has started counting down, is your time approaching? I do not want to even think about it.

I want to remember the day I met you; I was passing by a pet store and there you were, a little German shepherd with one ear not standing yet. The owner of the pet store had decided to send you back in Romania where they would probably kill you, and then I knew it. That day I just went to buy some cat food, little did I know that it was the day I would meet my soul mate.

You and me and our journey had just begun, in a sunny day in September 2011.

I was so attached to you from day one, I remember not even wanting to leave the house, just staying at home looking after this beautiful creature that looked at me with those eyes full of love, a love I had never felt before and I knew I needed.

And then it started, the first indication of your strength and the first obvious sign that our hearts and spirits are connected. I will never forget the moment, you were barely one months old, and my dad calls me "Moly has swallowed mouse medicine and her tongue is blue."

I don’t think my little smart car has ever gone faster. The first vet did not convince me, he told me to just get you a medicine that will help you go to the toileted. Something did not feel like, I looked at you and you told me, NO. We rushed to a second one and there it was, if you do not take the antidote that would make you vomit your guts you would be dead in less than 24 hours, but it comes with side effects, it could cause you a heart attack. I look at you, and you Wisper, don’t worry do it. And that was it. After 6 hours of blue vomiting, you were fine.

My heart was singing and so was yours. We were together again safe. Our daily trips to the beach even in the cold where amazing and then one day, your ear was standing. Their loss, they gave you away because they thought you were a bastard, and you are a diamond.

January 2012, you were just 6 months old when I took the decision to move to Beirut, it was such a hard decision I could not bear the thought that you would forget me or that we would not be together, but I knew that distance was nothing for us, even when I was far from you, I felt you in my heart. Every time, I needed comfort, I just closed my eyes and thought of you and then I was fine.

The time approached, it was summer, and I was coming back. I was so worried, you were living a beautiful life in the island, did you even remember me? I arrive, see you, you are so big so beautiful, and then you run and you love me like it was yesterday. And so, our yearly ritual begun. I arrive to Athen’s airport, I take my car, the boat, I come to Syros and you jump in the car and we go. Each summer we go for 4 months in Mykonos.

While I work you seat next to me, and then we go play in the beach. Everybody knows you; everybody loves you. You play with everyone; you grab a rock and you start shouting at her I really do not know what you say to her but it’s your game. Days are just beautiful with you. We have our routines, I drop you up in my parents’ house when I go out at night, when I come back you hear me, you bark, I open the door and you run. You run to me my angel and you fill my heart with love.

I remember our trips in the boat, you were so naughty, and now I know why. You could not even bare the existence of another dog next to you, it took me years to understand why; you were afraid. You did not want me to leave you for another dog.

And so, it goes every year we would separate for 2 months and then I would fly back and get you.

Summer 2013 I felt it was different, when I arrived in May you were angry. I remember in the boat you were not looking at me. You looked the other way. "Why do you keep leaving me?" You said to me. I don’t leave you; these are just a few moments of separation I told you and just like that you turned to me and started kissing me.

It was a hard year for me, had one of the worst breaks ups and I was really feeling down but nothing matters anymore, because you were there. Mornings that I did not wanna wake up, you never bothered me, you even hold yourself from going to the bathroom enough to allow me to get the strength to get out of bed.

It was a matter of time before your love healed my heart, but September was approaching, and I did not feel like leaving and so did you. And then suddenly one day I started seeing your belly getting bigger and bigger. Could she be pregnant? I wondered. But how?

Well let’s take a trip to the vet in Mykonos. First vet "She has ghost pregnancy just give her some hormones" I did not accept it, but she gave you a hormone shot. Second vet. "She is bloated, give her something to go to the toilet."

I was not convinced, and neither were you. It was time to take the boat and go visit a third one. We take our usual 2 pm boat to Syros. You were almost 15 kg heavier, but you still managed to bark to every single dog that passed near you.

We stayed in a hotel that night and we dined and wined the two of us in town. We booked at a beautiful restaurant in town had a beautiful meal and slept in our beautiful room.

The next day we walked into the clinic and then vet told me "Your dog is giving birth in a few weeks."

I was shocked, he did a scan and there they were, 9 little puppies in your belly.

How did this happen remains a mystery until today but why this did happen? We both know. We were not ready to separate from each other. And so, it happened. I cancelled my trip, and we started taking your temperature daily to see when you ready to give birth. But you were not, the time had come, and you did not winna give birth. So off we go to the vet for a cesarian, and 9 complete black puppies come out. 8 boys and one girl. I look at you with surprise. "Who is the father Moly?" I ask. "Who cares you answer, you are still here, and we are together."

That was true, but then you refused to take responsibility for your puppies. You asked me to raise then, and I could not leave for another 1 month. You had done it; we were together until Christmas.

The puppies did not survive except one, but we enjoyed our time together.

We said our goodbyes just after Christmas and I left.

I missed you daily and I was counting the days to come back to you.

That year I moved to London, so I knew that I might be coming a bit less, but I would still be coming. I missed you so much and I know you did as well. Summer 2016 something was different. I felt you were down and tired. Why Moly? I asked. "What is happening to you?"

"I have something," you said.

I do not know what but there is something. We rushed to the vet, "She has some cysts and could be tumors in her ovaries" I cried and cried and cried. We had to do a surgery and remove them, and we did. You were so strong. You are a tough cookie. Nothing breaks you and this as usual extended our time together.

Counting to surgery number 3 of your life.

Summer 2017 had arrived, and our journey started again. I arrive and we go for our summer, this summer was tougher that usual for me. I was going through insomnia due to one more heartbreak. I asked you "Moly can you help me sleep?"

"I will try," you said.

Days were hard and nights were harder, but you were there. Some nights you stayed awake with me. Then it happened, you calmed my heart, and I slept. After 7 sleepless months.

It was this summer that we decided that you needed a friend to keep you young in the winter. There is nothing better than a German Shepherd, than two.

So, I go back to the pet shop that gifted me and ask them for a baby boy. Max was going to become your best friend. You were going to become inseparable. I asked you "Moly how do you feel about this?"

You answered, "Let me meet him and decide, as long as he stayed away from you then I am fine."

Your first meeting was funny, he peed himself when he saw you, but I knew it. You would look after him, because your heart is so pure that you can just love and love. You needed Max, and he needed you. He started growing and he was playing with you all the time.

You loved him that I knew you set the ground rules. "Listen Max, your boss is the dad, when Sarah comes you do not go near her, she is mine." And Max agreed because his love for you was so pure.

Your max and moly journey had started. You played and played and played and I was happy because I knew you were happy.

2017 in Beirut I came across another little creature, lost and alone in the mountains of Beirut. Her name was Elsa, and she was so weak. I did not know what to do at the time, I feel like I would betray you but a part of me knew that she would not be able to replace you anyway. She was my second love, and you would always come first.

But you knew. The moment I arrived in the summer of 2018 to take you with me, you knew, and I knew you knew. You looked at me and looked the other way. "Who is she?" You asked.

"She is just a baby," I said. I knew I had hurt you, but we knew that our love was different. You were now 7 years old, and you were still healthy and strong, and I was so happy.

Summer 2019 had arrived, and you still did not see me coming. It was a year I decided to spend more time in Beirut, but I was coming. It was different this summer. We did not do our usual routine. I did not take you to Mykonos, we stayed in Syros. I regent it now. I am sorry my love. I know you loved the sea and playing in the sand.

If I knew that after this summer, I would not see you for a year, we would have gone. Covid -19 and I could not travel, I stayed in Beirut and you stayed in Syros, I missed you so much and thought about you so deeply but I knew you were happy, enjoying nature and playing with your little friend max.

Little did I know that in the summer of 2020 when I came back you would suddenly feel so much older. I was so sad, you could not jump high, and your legs were weak. I could not bear even looking at you and not crying and maybe a part of me avoided coming back for months after that. I regret it now. Our time together is so valuable.

Summer 2021, and the first shock hit me. Moly has melanoma in her eye, the vet said and my heart stops. How is this possible? She is so strong; she is a fighter.

What do I do? The vet says we have to remove her eye, but my parents say do not do it. I sat there and wait for you to decide.

‘’Moly what should I do?’’ Will you be ok with one eye? ‘’ I ask you. ‘’I will see you even with no eyes ‘’you answer me, ‘’ just do it I all be fine do not worry ‘’you said to me.

I did it. Your brown eye was gone, but I could still see it. I was so worried if you would be able to adapt, walk find your way around. But you are my fighter and just like that your life was fine again.

I was happy, cancer was gone, and I had also found this miraculous injection to help you with your legs.

I was really happy, and I was always coming back to you, maybe a bit less but I was. Our hearts were always connected, and you were talking to me even if I was far. And then suddenly in summer 2022 you had a little ear accident, and just like that your left ear dropped again.

You are so special my little angel.

I was still happy, as long as cancer stays away, I am happy.

And then it happened, a tumor in your breast. Oh, dear god why? Why? I run I come to you, and we prepare for the hardest surgery so far. Surgery number 6, and we are ready.

"Moly this will be a hard one," I told you.

"Do not worry, I all be fine, just stay with me all the time and I will be fine." It was a hard one, they had to open you all the way from your throat to your tale. You cried for days after, but I knew you were strong. In no time you were back on your feet, and we played we joked we laughed and then I had to go again. But I had a plan, I would be back in 3 weeks, and we would go to Athens and see an oncologist and start chemo.

My flights were booked I was coming to see you on Tuesday, but I felt something was off so I told my parents, pls take moly to the vet she is not ok.

And the new I dreaded, it was back and it’s in your lymph nodes.

I cannot believe It I change my flight; I am coming tonight my little angel and together we will decide what to do.

The vet says do nothing, but you will tell me. If you winna fight more I am here, we will fight, even if it gives me a year with you, I will do it. I am scared, I hope you have not decided to give up because I have not my angel. I don’t care if it takes 7 or 8 or 10 surgeries to keep you alive. I know you can make it; I know how much you love life, and if you can, please fight a little longer and I will be with you.

My sweet little dog, the things you taught me are beyond my imagination. Now I know that when I met you, I did not know how to connect or how to be intimate, I did not know how to express my love, I had barely even said the word I love you. I had never felt love and I had never definitely felt emotions. I look back now and I see things clearer, you were so patient with me like a loving mother, trying your way to teach me unconditional love, trying to teach me how to connect. I could not resist; it was so easy with you. I connected but I was so afraid to lose you.

"Get attached with me, do not be afraid," you said to me.

"But what will I do if one day you will be gone."

"I will never be gone; I will always be in your heart," you said.

But it happened, it happened from day one. You were mine, and I was yours. It did not matter where we were, we listened to each other and now I listen.

I cannot hear goodbye, the others say you said it, but how come I am not hearing it, Moly? Are they wrong or have we lost our connection?

I still hear "fight for me."

"Fight for me not because we cannot let go, fight for me because there is still something for us, you will see," you say to me.

You were the first person, because for me you are a person, that loved me unconditionally, taught me how to love, how not to be afraid to connect and most importantly the values of goodbyes and hellos.

I think if I had not met you, I would be so different, so cold, so distant so fearful of love. Now I cannot help it, you have opened my heart so deeply that I cannot close it anymore. I say yes to life more often thanks to you, I allow my vulnerability to come out and I am not afraid of heartbreaks or disappointments because I know you will be there.

How is it possible that a creature so perfect came into my life? What did I do to deserve this much love?

My heart is fueled with fear as I approach you in a few hours, have I shown worthy of your love my angel? Will you please stay with me longer? I promise I will be here; I am always here my angel.

The time will show what you decided, but in my ears, I hear you say "fight" and the more I approach Greece the louder I hear it. I see it, and I see you in the summer drinking water under the heat even if it’s going to be your last summer, we will be together my angel.

See you soon my love sees you soon my angel.