Setting boundaries is never easy, especially for those of us who are sensitive to conflicts. Many believe that setting a boundary is being self-centered. It is not. Setting a healthy boundary is an act of self-love. It is not about pushing people out of your life. It is about compassionately expressing what is okay or not okay for you.
When we set boundaries, we are less angry and resentful because we don’t feel trampled upon. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated. Boundaries are the foundation of happy, healthy relationships.
Here are 4 types of people with whom it’s especially important for you to set your boundaries.
1. The whiner/compulsive complainer
There are some people, who are chronic complainers. Their focus is not on solving issues, rather just whining about them. They thrive on feeling like ‘victims’. They are usually unwilling to take the necessary action and tend to play ‘yes, but….’ games. It is important not to absorb their negative energy. It will make you miserable, so set a boundary and keep the complaining at bay.
2. The slackers
These are the ones who have nothing of value to add to your life. These types of people are simply timewasters and just seek some entertainment and drama to ease out their mundane and boring life. Whether it is convenient or not, they just barge into your space and take up time.
With this type of person, you need to get a lot more comfortable with saying “No”, and make it clear that you won’t accept it, especially when it wastes your precious time engaging in unimportant stuff.
3. The negativists
These are the toxic people constantly adding negativity and fear to your life. They ooze negative energy and leave you feeling worse whenever you are around them. They don’t consider your needs and manipulate you to get what they want. They have a lot of drama or problems but don’t want to change. Their moods and behavior are volatile or unpredictable and they expect you to deal with them. They expect you to help them, but they are never available to help you.
4. The helpless
There are people who feel weak and vulnerable. The ‘helpless’ are perpetual victims and expect you to step in and do their fighting for them, rescue them. They never care to take charge or to stand up for themselves.
If you attempt to set a boundary, they try to make you feel guilty about it. “What do you mean you won’t be as available? You know this is the worst time of my life, I’ve never needed you more.”
Kind but firm limit-setting is healthy. You’re not in the business of fixing anyone. Remember, a person with strong boundaries understands that they may hurt someone’s feelings sometimes, but ultimately they can’t control how other people feel. The only person they will ever have control over is themselves. One of the great things about being an adult is that you have choices. You can choose to limit your interactions or completely distance yourself. Trust me it’s worth it!