I was so bored, so I wrote an article on how bored I am. When I asked for peace, I did not think it was going to be so calm that I would hear the birds and see the sky so clear and bright.

I remember cutting a cake with a smile and how by the evening I really did not have the energy to be happy; that is how I feel right now. I am not really exhausted, not really tired, not really depressed, not really hopeless, just bored out of my beautiful mind.

So I opened a document to write just this: how bored I am to exist and to just be. My life is so boring without writing. I write and live in my mind with such grace and presence. Living in the world the same way comes with proving to the world that I belong and that I am worth trusting and should be given an opportunity.

Living more in my mind than the world

I worked a whole year like I was on vacation, and now full-time is really boring me to death. I didn't touch my journal or this side of the ocean, where I open a document just to type out an article with zero research and zero filter.

I might actually be so done and so okay at the same time. It is what people feel when they are in love with their life but would not mind being seen before being heard. I know it's kind of confusing.

Love is not exactly that exciting when what you love is not really a healthy relationship but one that has its moments. That is how my life feels; I am not having a happy moment, not really a sad moment either. Just a peaceful sadness and lonely love that is wrapped in wanting to crash and burn into bits no one can put back together. I guess I am looking for a breakup with my own life.

Peaceful sadness and lonely love

Zero hopes and dreams were harmed at the time of writing these streams of thoughts, unfiltered rambles into nothing.

My thoughts on beauty have really evolved into nothing; exactly that. Nothing is really beautiful, because everything is. Because everything is beautiful. It is just that everyone has standards. No standard is too high. It is the question of how outrageous the standard gets.

As I am writing this, I am covered with cat hair and not tired, shockingly. I am working with more intention, but I am bored out of my mind. I did start writing this mainly because I failed to complete the review on a movie that I watched four times and fell in love with how it told the story.

There is no way I'll ever live a life that ends with such love and art. This world is too literal and has forgotten to live in the poetry of humour and exist in the love of drama that ends in art.

Poetry in a literal world

Since I moved all the social media apps on my handy-dandy iPad only to end up writing this article out of complete boredom as I walk and work my way through this coma of peace and serenity.

I have found peace, and the world is just going through a bad hair day for over two years straight. I hope the world learns from its previous hair routine and makes the much-needed changes. To finally have a good hair day that just lasts forever and not overnight.

If you haven't clocked it yet, I am a poet at heart.

Something I dread is how unpredictable my work can get; I meet people that might not really exist tomorrow. Wait.

That is everyday for everyone. But mine is more on the face with this sentiment. Sane can be insane at the flick of a wrist, and I'll still have to hold a very strong composure. My work is not really work; it is something that has built my strong character and destroyed it at the same time over and over again. Old rules don't really work in this country; humour is everything, and seriousness is seen as rude. A smile is welcomed at all times.

Smiling through the chaos

I really learnt a lot more about life from smiling than from stressing. Today, when I feel so bored out of my mind, I can say with certainty that my smile saved me from losing to fake suckers prowling to get my soul.

I am bored and still can ramble on; without any doubt, I should be a writer full time. Because even boredom can't stop my writing to power through.

My work is getting boring. I am learning to be consistent at how my work impacts lives, but my boredom doesn't allow anyone to cross my beautifully built walls.

Respect, fear, and starting over

I value my time and demand to be respected. I give respect so early; I am kind without asking, and empathy comes naturally like breathing.

You can't tell me otherwise; I have lost friendships over not being respected. I have moved countries over lack of respect being given.

And you bet I'll start all over again in another country if respect is what I have to jeopardise in the long run.

Fear was an illusion; even when I felt it the most, I fell down, and I rose looking even better. I know how to fool my mind when I know fear is up to no good. I take the next step when my mind says no. I walk extra miles when I could go by a mile less.

To end this rant of how bored I am with my life right now, I might make a reckless purchase and learn a thing or two. See you on the other side of this reckless payback and redemption. Here is what happens when you live only in curiosity: you get bored with peace and lack of respect given when all you want is respect in its most authentic form. Many have failed to give.

Choosing peace anyway

A few more words so that the word count hits 1k. I might be bored, but I won't want to live anyone else's life. People really have it worse. I'll choose peace from any lineup. I'd rather be bored with peace than live with constant high alert and a broken immune system.