Often when showcasing life with children online, parents fiercely debate over whether there's a difference in raising boys or girls. Slideshows of videos displaying wild, boisterous boys or girls coloring or having their hair plaited prompt passionate responses about what it's like to be a ‘boy mom' or ‘girl mom’ or whether the stereotypes are completely false, all depending on the experiences of the parent making the comment.

This debate is fundamentally based on nature versus nurture. Are male children really more rambunctious, or are female children actually more likely to play house? Whether there is a biological difference in behavior traits between children, there is no doubt that the stereotypes are deeply entrenched in society, and from the moment gender is established at birth, children are directed in color, style, and behaviors that are meant to fit their gender. How do these trends guide children to fulfill their identities and pave the way for a more balanced, equal society for all, without the need to be stuck in the entrapments of gender expectations?

Consumerism and marketing have driven the gender divide so far that very few products are left without gender-based options. This is beyond color biases too. Popular children's characters are wielded as powerful tools to push consumerism, often using the gender of the character to determine what product they will sell. Superheroes are stamped across ‘boy’ products, and princesses decorate ‘girl’ products. Marketing to very young children the type of color palette, style, and products they ‘should’ be interested in based on their gender.

Popular female characters, regardless of strengths, storylines, or context, will never be found on boy products. Can boys not be influenced by strong female characters too? And even when girl products attempt neutrality by featuring icons previously thought of as ‘for boys,’ they are delivered with a pink background, making sure consumers know these can be for girls once they've undergone a color palette transformation. An example can be seen when girls' clothes feature dinosaurs. Often, they are no longer ferocious beasts but pink, delicate silhouettes. Not entirely representative of neutrality.

Additionally, shaking the past attitudes of previous generations is incredibly difficult. ‘Boys will be boys’ is a common phrase used to excuse behavior that would not be as tolerated if executed by a female child. Commenting on a child's appearance rather than their intellect or personality is also, unfortunately, a common experience amongst female children.

From birth, children are set up with expectations of who they should be based on their gender, and it is very difficult to avoid these influences. Whether biological traits create actual differences is irrelevant, especially at such young ages, because in general, they are not allowed the chance to explore any other options. Biological or developmental differences should not be used as an excuse for different treatments of a child. Why label something as basic as a pencil as a boy or girl style based on color alone? What if all colors could be considered gender neutral?

In recent times, many popular films have been called out for their representation of female characters. Issues like consent, stereotyping, misogyny, and racism have been identified and strongly criticized. Therefore, there has been some effort to craft female characters as leads with strong bonds with their fellow female characters. They laugh at or reject overzealous marriage proposals, support each other, and do not always necessarily finish their narrative in the arms of a ‘prince charming.’

Additionally, girls are being encouraged to play more sports, engage with science and technology, and stand up for themselves more. This awareness and drive for female empowerment has much to be celebrated for, yet why is the focus so much on the girls?

There is less of a push to see more diversity in male characters, less stereotypical heroes, or less toxic masculinity, for example. The range of role models for boys is relatively narrow, and there is not a major emphasis on influencing young boys to change the patriarchal narrative in the same way that there is for girls.

Can boys be encouraged to be pretty, wear colorful dresses, have different hairstyles, and follow different passions? Or is it only the responsibility of females to change their behaviors to fit in with ‘equality’? At what point do we start to realize that all children need a range of influences as well as relaxation on the stereotypes in order to propel actual change in society?

Toxic masculinity is a very real issue with a vast amount of evidence and publications detailing its presence and the dangers it poses to society. Yet, there does not appear to be an attempt to appeal to young male children with a broad range of characters in media that fulfill diverse roles, or even an arts equivalent of STEM with dance, baking, and other creative pursuits. This, again, however, should be open to all children and not as a means to create more division.

Children should be given the opportunities to explore as many experiences as possible and expand their thinking and take the time to discover themselves and their identities beyond the limitations of gender barriers.

When raising boys, the additional caution that arises is how to allow them to express themselves and experiment freely without the fear of setting them up to be bullied. A boy that wants to paint his nails because it looks like a fun activity should not be shamed for pursuing a feminine style, yet often that can be the case. Or even the fear of them being targeted creates a hesitation from the parents. If a boy has never been told that dresses or the color pink or things that glitter are ‘for girls,’ and they wish to indulge themselves in a pink, glitter dress simply because it's an exciting, bright color and a fun outfit, how do you navigate that situation as a parent? Or even something more subtle, like having no interest in football or preferring to bake rather than rough play. Their personal expression should never be questioned or doubted, and especially not limited. But knowing that they will be labeled as feminine or have their pre-pubescent sexuality questioned or even judged makes it difficult for parents to know what is the best course of action to support their child.

How do you create a balance promoting free expression without imparting generational gender divides or opening the door to negative, potentially deeply hurtful social experiences for your child? Particularly if you know your child is sensitive to criticism or passive comments.

It is essential to teach young boys along with girls about feminism, equality, and the patriarchy. Yet it must be done in such a way as to not create shame or guilt in their own gender. The lack of resources, including representation in films or programs in society, makes this task difficult and makes it hard to strike a balance for parents. There are so many books, programs, courses, unsolicited advice, and peer pressure on parenting, it is an absolute minefield, and parents can only do so much before the powerful presence of global society begins to push in around them.

Every parent is trying their best to find their own rhythm with how best to raise their child amidst the pressures from all angles on all numbers of topics. Gender bias is simply one of them.

It can be concluded, though, that the current trend of gendered consumerism constitutes a significant block in the ability of society to progress towards any sort of equal appreciation of childhood identity.

Raising boys to be able to express themselves as anything but stereotypes can feel tentative, and the fear of letting them be guinea pigs for the idea that it might help future generations is not altogether a reassurance. When you are responsible for nurturing their growth, emotions, and mindset, especially in the early years, it can feel overwhelming to get the balance right. However, pursuing a gentle approach of balance to traditional aspects of genderizing and supporting the child to follow their instincts must be a good start. It is certainly better than the alternative of being swept up in the heavy marketing and social pressures that place boys on a narrow path to adulthood without much room for flexibility.