The opposite, what discontinues, occupies another place in space and time. This is how it, the opposite, constitutes itself in antithesis. This is how changes occur and continuities are established and re-established in other conditions, in other contexts.
Every time there is a contradiction, an antithesis, division and conflict arise. The way of perceiving this division, and this conflict, will establish how to deal with the situation, and how to deal with the conflict. Contradiction always allows accommodation or disaccommodation, which means adaptation or maladjustment. Adapting to what contradicts one's own beliefs, values, purposes or goals is a way of denying what is questioned, of erasing what was perceived as different, unexpected, or contradictory to what was previously experienced. On the other hand, misadapting results from not denying the break, the discontinuity, the lie, the truth, and the new that appears.
By pretending that what happens doesn't happen, since it has nothing to do with one's own desires and commitments, the individual neutralizes his perception of what is happening. This giving up of his experiences and findings removes him from the present, throwing him into the deserts of future chimeras or barren pasts. Everything is perceived in terms of what he wants to keep, and what he wants to achieve. The present is denied, and so is the contradiction that questions everything.
Loving relationships characterized by adjustments, by necessity or arrangements, consequently are contingent and circumstantial, and therefore they are polarizers of contradictions. Being structured according to objectives transforms what is necessary into its constituent raw material. When the experience of the present, when being with the other is not exhausted in the process itself, when it is always related to something beyond, to a cause, to a consequence, the relationship becomes a commitment, a purpose, a desire or an undertaking, denying itself as encounter, integration, discovery.
It is almost impossible to maintain discoveries, encounters and passions without autonomy and availability. Complementation and socialization needs are usually part of commitments, but in the process, pacts or agreements made begin to discontinue. This is change, it is the experience of contradiction. The more the individual denies this process, the more he establishes adjustment, satisfaction and dissatisfaction. They work as pendular discontinuities that placate contradictions and that, at the same time reveal them at every moment. Infidelities, for example, nowadays neutralize contradictions of affective unions that are considered necessary despite they no longer mean loving and relevant relationships. Since long ago, marriages were fueled by these transgressions, the lover, the mistress generated guilt that constituted fuel for the maintenance of the family because when feeling guilty, spouses and children were treated well. Guilt hides helplessness.
Giving up doing what you like and keeping doing what you need or what is necessary, is a way of neutralizing contradictions, of not deepening the conflict between liking and needing. The neutralization of contradiction is a kind of make-believe, the magical or dishonest way of denying what is happening. But when are we dishonest? Why does this occur? Is the ethical behaviour a circumstantial consequence, does it come from the realization of what is there with us? It is necessary to consider that values are determinants of commitment, but they are also determinants of freedom. It is only through questioning that continuities are established and this only happens if the contradictions are not neutralized if they are not denied, but rather experienced, enabling change.